


The Lines Between Me and You

by TipsyArmadillo



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Force Ghosts, These two crazy kids, excessive talk about kyber crystals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-01-02
Packaged: 2019-02-27 04:38:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13240614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TipsyArmadillo/pseuds/TipsyArmadillo
Summary: Things start to change between Rey and Kylo Ren when Rey finds an old journal belonging to Ben Solo.





	The Lines Between Me and You

**Author's Note:**

> Hoooo booooooy so I went to see Last Jedi and never have I see the screen steaming up with so much unresolved sexual tension. Shit was HOT. So guess I'm on board with this ship.

Lukes afterlife wasn't going the way he had planned. Being dead, as it turns out, was only moderately less stressful than being alive.

 

Having two stubborn apprentices still among the living and determined to be enemies was very stressful. And in the tradition of Jedi Masters, Luke decided that if those two crazy kids weren't going to find their own path then he was just going to have to meddle.

 

Yoda nodded approvingly at his side. “Meddle you must. Stubborn those two are. Too much like their Master they are.”

 

“I wasn't that bad,” Luke said with some amusement.

 

“Watched over you for many years I have,” his old Master said pointedly.

 

“Fine, point taken.” He watched Rey and Ben, with them both through the force. He saw their paths as they were now, saw their loneliness and the imbalance between them. “Master, how will I know what to do?”

 

“Watch and wait you will. When the time comes, you will know the path.”

 

*

 

It took Rey a long time to remember the Jedi texts. Embarrassingly long, really. In her defence her time had been tied up in settling into the new base, fixing equipment and becoming something of a discount Luke Skywalker.

 

Since Crait her reputation had grown, as both the last apprentice of Luke Skywalker and as a force user who could stand her ground with Kylo Ren, and her time had been increasingly in demand. Not just for repairs to the base but as something of an inspirational figure to boost morale and portray a strong face to potential allies who were sympathetic to their cause.

 

Rey hated it with every fiber of her being.

 

She couldn’t give speeches or be inspiring. Asking her to take up the torch of Luke Skywalker and the Jedi legacy seemed almost laughable in its absurdity.

 

A scavenger from a backwoods desert planet, who had received all of about five minutes of Jedi training and was still marveling at the idea of being able to eat hot meals every day, was possibly the least qualified person to inherit this responsibility. She wasn’t a Jedi and she was certainly no Luke Skywalker. A Jedi with a broken lightsaber, who ever heard of a Jedi with no lightsaber. It bothered her that people called her a Jedi and looked at her with such awe in their eyes, such hope. She felt like the worst sort of pretender.

 

Rey couldn’t just give up, though. She was the last of them, the Jedi, even if she disliked the title - people were depending on her to stand with them and show them that even when hope was lost there was still a beacon of light to shine the way forward. She had to be that beacon. But she couldn’t do it alone.

 

Then she remembered the Jedi texts hidden away in her rooms. Surely the old Jedi would have some wisdom she could use. Or maybe some handy tips on defeating evil empires.

 

And so there she was, holed up by herself with the texts spread on her bed and realizing that she was in way over her head.

 

Firstly because while she could read Galactic Basic she wasn’t exactly proficient at it. Secondly, most of the books seemed to be in some kind of archaic form of the language that she could barely read.

 

Rey had never felt her lack of education so keenly.

 

She glared at the books, willing them to reveal the secrets of the Jedi and grant her incredible power. When that didn’t work she decided to start small. Literally.

 

She reached for the smallest and thinnest of the books, a simple leather bound journal that she hadn’t even realized had been hidden in between the larger, more official, looking books. This one looked like a nice beginners guide to infinite knowledge of the force type book.

 

Opening to the first page, Rey eagerly read the inscription, thankfully in Galactic Basic, and immediately dropped the book, darting off the bed and staring at the journal as if it were a deadly snake.

 

No.

 

It wasn’t possible.

 

Tentatively Rey creeped back onto the bed and reopened the book.

 

Property of Ben Solo.

 

She traced the inscription with a single finger then jerked it back and looked around the room as though Kylo Ren could sense her prying and was going to appear in her room and demand retribution for her invasion of his privacy.

 

Rey even went so far as to call out, “Ben?”

 

Nobody answered back.

 

She was truly alone.

 

With wide, excited eyes Rey turned the page. It really was Ben Solos journal. She flipped through the pages excitedly, taking in the elegant script.

 

Her eyes widened even further. It was so pretty. She had never seen writing like this before. All the writing she had ever seen was practical and ordinary. Bens writing flowed across the page like art. The thin black lines curving and swirling as though he was putting his very soul onto the paper.

 

Rey could feel her heart pounding as she tried to decipher the words.

 

It was slow going and, to be honest, not that interesting. She didn’t know what she expected, maybe a guide to the dark side or some proof of Bens budding evil personality but it seemed young Ben was smart enough not to put his descent into the dark side on paper.

 

Instead what she found was the thoughts of a sad, lonely young man.

 

For the first few pages he talked only about a pretty girl named Yara who was training with the other padawans. She had yellow hair and brown eyes and always laughed at the jokes the other boys told. Ben never spoke to her, he was too shy and, reading between the lines, didn't think himself very attractive.

 

Excitement over the text turned to disappointment and, finally, disgust. Not necessarily at the ramblings of a lovesick boy but because that boy was Kylo Ren. That someone who could wax poetic about how the sun lit up this girls golden could also be the same person who drove a lightsaber though his own fathers chest.

 

“That doesn’t belong to you.”

 

Rey screamed and flung herself off the bed, hand reaching for a nonexistent weapon.

 

Kylo Ren simply looked at her with that irritatingly intense stare, standing in her room as though he wasn’t a startlingly out of place apparition. Rey felt her temperature rising under the weight of his stare and his looming, black clad presence and had to fight the urge to run. He wasn’t really there, he’s just an illusion.

 

“Leave,” she demanded, fear fueling her harsh tone.

 

Ren looked around and his eyes widened. “These are your rooms? On the new rebel base,” he said, looking around as though her room might give some clue to her location. When he didn’t find what he was looking for he turned back to her. “Where are you?”

 

“Leave. That wasn’t an invitation, it means get out.”

 

He gave her an unimpressed stare, eyes flitting back to the book. “You invited me in. Did you think you could go prying into my past without opening this connection between us?”

 

Rey flushed, embarrassed at being caught prying into his journal. “Obviously. I haven’t seen you in months. Why should reading a book change anything?”

 

Ren glared at her, temper heating up. “Because it’s _mine_ ,” he snarled.

 

“Didn’t I just say leave,” she demanded. She wasn’t going to sit there and be yelled at by some bad tempered force projection in her own rooms. “I mean it. Go!”

 

With a sour look Ren vanished.

 

Rey took a moment to calm her racing heart and immediately threw the journal under her bed trying her hardest to forget it was there.

 

*

 

Kylo Rens lightsaber was in his hand before he could even think and he brought it down on the wall closest to him, driving the plasma blade deep into the metal. The feeling of the blade melting into the wall soothed his anger some but it wasn’t enough. Again and again and again he struck, each time scoring deep gashes into the once pristine wall.

 

The girl, Rey. Damn her. How did she get that journal?

 

He had forgotten all about it until he saw it in her hands. All his childish weaknesses laid bare for her to view at her leisure. Every insipid thought, every moment of insecurity, all of it there to be viewed by the one person in the galaxy he didn’t want to appear weak in front of.

 

Had he been in less of a foul mood he might have admired how the living force continuously linked them together in the most unexpected of ways. Unfortunately his mood wouldn’t allow charitable thoughts about the workings of the force at that very moment.

 

He was mortified.

 

Rey had been reading about Yara, he was sure of it. When he got the journal that was all his mind was consumed with was that girl.

 

He barely remembered her now. She was dead with the rest of them, a footnote in the history of his ascent to the dark side. And yet, he couldn’t help but think of her now and how his young self had longed so desperately after her. How foolish and weak he had been, how worried about appearances, how jealous he had once been of those other young boys who could draw her attention.

 

His blade struck again and with a cry of rage he threw the damn thing away and barely missed Rey who jumped away from the blade.

 

Ren made a move as though to see if she was alright but aborted the move. She wasn’t really there.

 

“Leave,” he demanded.

 

Rey snorted and seemed to have no intention of leaving. “You invited me in,” she mocked humorlessly.

 

He shook his head in irritation and moved past her to gather his fallen lightsaber, now deactivated. “Very well, stay. There isn’t any information here you can relay back to your rebels. Unless the rebel cause is suddenly very interested in the decor of the Supreme Leaders bedchambers.”

 

“Supreme Leader Kylo Ren.” Rey raised a skeptical eyebrow at the title, much to Kylo Rens displeasure. His hand tightened on his lightsaber, the urge to strike something becoming almost unbearable. “Forgive me Supreme Leader.” Rey gave an exaggerated bow, something she had probably seen on a low budget holovid somewhere, clearly mocking him.

 

“Laugh now,” he snarled, temper overcoming him. “Your forces are weak and without allies. When we find you I will burn whatever backwater planet you’re hiding on. You can’t hope to win this fight, girl. You play at being a Jedi and laugh as I command a force that is stronger than any the galaxy has ever known. You are a fool, just like your former Master.”

 

Reys smile was wiped away and for a moment Ren felt like a fool. Part of him hadn’t yet given up on Rey. His vision had been true, she was meant to stand by his side. Taunting her wasn’t going to endear her to his cause.

 

“You’re still thinking of turning me,” she said, somehow putting his thoughts into words. Master Snoke always did say his thoughts were written across his face. Even as a child his expressive face was always giving him away when he tried to lie. It was an unbecoming weakness for someone in his position.

 

Kylo Ren nodded, not seeing any point in denying the truth. “I have seen it. The force draws us together, even you cannot deny this connection. We were meant to be, as allies or enemies, as something.” He shook his head in frustration, deciphering the will of the force was something he was terrible at.

 

“You can just forget it. I will never be anything to you. And the Rebellion is stronger than you know, Supreme Leader,” she said defiantly, standing straight and proud. “The galaxy will rally to our side rather than live under the rule of a man who can’t even keep his temper. You’re no Darth Vader and you never will be, you’re weak and you hide that weakness with masks and the force but I know you Kylo Ren, I’ve seen your mind and I am not afraid of you.”

 

Without a thought Kylo Ren lashed out with the force with a ragged shout.

 

Rey disappeared with a startled cry.

 

He stood there panting, body trembling in rage. He felt as though he was going to explode out of his skin with the strength of his hatred.

 

That girl. Rey. He was a great man, the most powerful man in the galaxy and leader of the First Order and yet that girl dismissed it all, called him weak, compared him to Darth Vader and found him wanting.

 

He could feel the furying bubbling over. Distantly he knew he was tearing his room apart, flinging items and using the force to wreak havoc but he couldn’t make himself stop. It wasn’t enough, all these shattered objects were nothing when he wanted them to be that girl. How he wanted to wrap his hands around her fragile neck. How dearly he would pay to be able to snuff the life out of her once and for all so he wouldn’t have to feel like this.

 

When he came back to himself his cheeks were wet.

 

She was right, he was weak, and he hated himself for it.

 

*

 

Nearly a fortnight later Reys back was still sore as she poured over the Jedi texts. This time her hunt for information was single minded. She needed a new lightsaber. Her last encounter with Ben had only cemented the fact that despite all her bluffing he was still stronger than her. He managed a force blast through space, managing to hurt her physically despite her only being a force projection. She could manage some levitation and had a knack for using the force in times of crisis but Bens mastery of the force was absolute.

 

She hadn’t dared tell anyone why suddenly was suddenly walking so gingerly and being so careful while working underneath the X-Wings. She should. She knew she should tell someone, General Organa at least, but she couldn’t. And she suspected Ben hadn’t told anyone about this either.

 

She couldn’t explain it but this connection was between them and the force. It wasn’t for anyone else to interfere with.

 

And so Rey was left to deal with this on her own.

 

Which led her to her current problem of finding out how to remake a broken lightsaber.

 

She had instructions on how to build one but no no idea of how to get the main component, a kyber crystal. She had scoured the texts, even asking General Organa to help her with the parts that were too difficult for her, but the location of the kyber crystals remained a mystery.

 

Rey knew she wasn't going to find the information she needed in those books.

 

With a frustrated groan she flopped down on the bed and closed her eyes, rubbing the heel of her palm into them, trying to figure out where to find this information. She couldn’t believe that the Jedi had simply forgotten to add that information into their texts. It had to be somewhere, hidden in the words. Words that she could barely read.

 

She was exhausted with all this studying and eye eyes were beginning to feel heavy.

 

Rey sighed, she couldn’t give up yet, the information was in there.

 

She opened her eyes.

 

Ben was sitting on her bed. At least in this location he was sitting on the bed but his head was bowed and his arm up as though he was writing at a desk.

 

She didn’t even blink at this strange sight.

 

Ever since that day the had fought they had been appearing to each other nearly every day. Usually it was just for a moment or two, sometimes more. They hadn’t spoken since the fight but were always near to each other in some strange way.

 

She would glimpse him at odd moments, meeting his eye from across a room.

 

It was kind of nice to be able to see him without fighting.

 

To be honest, she didn’t want to fight with him.

 

To be very, very honest, if this had been any other man, in any other circumstances she might have found the idea of being bonded together by the force incredibly romantic. Being stuck together with Ben Solo was anything but. Though she couldn’t deny that while he wasn’t an ideal person to be bound to he was fascinating in his own way, as long as he wasn’t opening his mouth.

 

She lay there and watched him work, content to keep the silence and the peace between them.

 

He really was so much more pleasant when he wasn’t talking. His face was relaxed, not happy but at least somewhat placid, and his posture was loose and casual. She rarely got to see him so unguarded and she felt a sort of longing for what might have been, how different life could have turned out for the young man in the journals.She could see a glimpse of that boy in the man before her. A bookish thing, uneasy around others and painfully shy. Had they met when they were both young she probably would have tried to beat him up and steal all his credits.

 

She grinned at the thought of her beating up a young Ben Solo.

 

That was about when Kylo Ren realized she was there.

 

To her astonishment his face went bright red and he just stared at her, eyes wide.

 

She raised an eyebrow in question.

 

Ben seemed to collect himself, face smoothing out into an unaffected expression. “You’re in my bed.”

 

Rey almost laughed at that. Kylo Ren blushing over the sight of a girl in his bed. It was so unlike the fearsome image everyone believed of the man it was hard not to want to poke fun at him. Maybe is was her exhaustion making her bold or how Ben was clearly in over his head when it came to anything having to do with girls but she just could resist stretching out, shirt riding up her stomach and legs moving together in a way she had seen sultry girls do in holovids.

 

She felt a little foolish putting on such a performance but Bens expression was worth it. The stylus dropped out of his fingers and he fumbled with it before shooting her a glare, face even redder than before. “Did you not hear me?”

 

“I heard you just fine. The thing is, this is my bed.”

 

“Your - get up this instant,” he demanded forcefully.

 

She shook her head, sinking even deeper into the sheets and she could tell that the lines between them were blurring because the bed was far more comfortable than anything they had at the base. She wasn’t too worried, this happened sometimes, never in a bed before but its not like anything could really happen (unless Ben lost his temper again and force blasted her into another wall) so she felt secure enough to burrow deeper and let out a happy sigh.

 

It was still technically her bed.

 

As a girl she had dreamed of such luxury before. She couldn’t understand why Ben was so angry all the time when he got to sleep on a bed like this. Who could be angry when they had a bed like a cloud?

 

A shadow passing over her made her open a single eye. Ben was standing over her, looking terribly uncomfortable while also looking put upon and angry. It wasn’t blind rage and righteous fury so for him it was an improvement.

 

“Can I help you,” she asked.

 

“Are you...trying to seduce me?” Rey couldn’t have stopped herself from laughing for all the credits and portions in the world. The way he said it was so sincerely confused it was impossible not to find somewhat charming, even if the charm was coming from Kylo Ren.

 

His face soured at her laughter and anger began taking over. “Oh calm down,” Rey chastised lightly. “I’m not trying to seduce you. I was just taking a break in my own bed. It’s not my fault the force decided my bed was your bed.”

 

A pause. “You’re still in my bed,” he reiterated as though she had forgotten in the two seconds since he had last mentioned it.

 

“Mmm hmm. It’s very comfortable.” She closed her eyes, putting her hands behind her head and digging her toes into the blanket.

 

He continued to stand there awkwardly until Rey opened her eyes again. “You know, in most places staring is considered rude.”

 

Ben seemed uncertain of what to say. His mouth opened and closed a few times as though he was about to speak while Rey lay there patiently. Finally he seemed to decided he didn’t want to say anything and went back to his desk, pointedly not looking at her. Rey didn’t care, Ben could be awkward in a corner all he like,  she was really into the bed and nothing was going to ruin this moment for her.

 

Her eyes closed again.

 

When she woke up she was in her own bed.

 

*

 

She was still there, in his bed. Ren stayed at his desk, pretending to work while Rey lay there, eyes closed, body relaxed, as though she wasn’t resting in the same room as her enemy. As though she wasn’t changing all the rules of their meetings, meeting that had been silent and tense since their last fight. As though she wasn’t currently sprawled across his bed as if she owned it.

 

Nothing in his life had prepared him for how to deal with the enemy casually lounging in his bed.

 

His mind was telling him that as his enemy she should not be ignoring him, dozing around him or messing up his sheets. He felt as though he should do something about her insolent behaviour. His instincts were screaming much louder to not do anything that might frighten her away. He had never had a girl in his bed before and he was torn between indignation at his private space being intruded on so shamelessly and awe of having another human being where he slept.

 

He gave up all pretence of working and just looked at her. To his surprise it looked like she had fallen asleep. He couldn't imagine ever being able to sleep while an enemy was nearby, even an enemy who wasn't really there.

 

But she was there in some way that defied all logic. The sheets were bunched up around her from when she had burrowed into them. It seemed as though the lines between them were slowly fading. They were becoming more and more linked through the force, transcending space to be with each other.

 

That all rational laws of how the universe worked were being put into question by a girl laying in his bed was astounding (and kind of depressing). But he couldn't focus on logic, not when he was so caught up in simply having her there.

 

Some soft part of him warmed to see the girl, Rey, so unguarded. Her mouth was open and her limbs loose and sprawled messily across the black sheets.

 

And, inevitably, he was overly aware of her body. She was small, at least compared to him, and her body looked fragile and soft in a way he could barely reconcile with the fierce warrior who had bested him in battle time and again. Asleep she was a different creature. He imagined if he didn’t know her he might find her attractive, she was exactly the sort of woman he had always imagined his future wife as being, dainty and vulnerable.

 

He couldn't help but imagine Rey in that role and the idea almost made him crack a smile.

 

The idea of this girl as his wife was laughable, much less a wife in need of his protection. She was a hardened little desert rat.

 

But still, when she slept she looked vulnerable and the idea that this thin, tired young woman was his enemy was wrong to him. He didn't want her as an enemy. He didn't want her as a wife either but maybe something more than the wish of childhood fancy.

 

Slowly he walked to the bed and carefully extended a finger, brushing the back of his knuckle over her cheek.

 

He exhaled sharply and stepped back.

 

Her skin was soft and...real.

 

She was really there.

 

He didn't know what to do with this revelation so he did nothing.

 

Soon she would leave and they would be enemies again but for now he would keep their unspoken ceasefire. He gently pulled the sheets up around her and went back to his work.

 

When he went to bed that night, long after she had left, the pillows still smelled like her.

  


*

 

Ben Solo was a genius, Rey decided.

 

After that day she had decided to give his journal another look and, as though by some miracle, the first page she opened to on a random whim contained information on kyber crystals.

 

It wasn’t detailed information and not exactly the information she was looking for but it was enough.

 

Ben Solo, being roughly fifteen and overflowing with both insecurity and a strange superiority complex, decided regular kyber crystals were too basic for someone of his lineage. He couldn’t have any old lightsaber, he wanted the best lightsaber.

 

He had devised a way to use a regular crystal and enhance it somehow with the force.

 

There was no explanation of how he had done this but later pages said he had succeeded.

 

Rey just needed to figure out how he did it. She had the kyber crystal from her old lightsaber, even though it was dull now and seemed half dead, if she could somehow revitalize it she could at least have a lightsaber to use until she found the location of the planet they came from.

 

That led her to her current situation, holding the ruined crystal of her old lightsaber in hand and somehow trying to make it work using the force.

 

If her lessons with Luke had been any clue she wasn't very good with traditional meditation and focus.

 

She tried reaching out to the force but she get the impression the force was laughing at her. If a cosmic force binding the universe together could have a sense of humour.

 

“Just work already,” Rey commanded, eyeballing the crystal in her hand. The crystal remained silent. Mocking her. “Oh I'll show you. You'll be so full of the force when I'm done with you.”

 

“Am I interrupting something.”

 

Rey sheepishly tucked the crystal away and turned to Ben. “Do you mind, I'm in the middle of something.”

 

“So I gathered. Doing inappropriate things with the force in the dead of night, tucked away in your room muttering to yourself. Nothing strange at all.”

 

Rey sputtered and tried to deny there was anything inappropriate going on when she realized Ben had the tiniest of playful smirks on his face.

 

“You're teasing me,” she said acusitorally.  

 

Ben shrugged. “What were you doing? You hid something behind your back.”

 

For a moment Rey considered concealing the truth but decided the secret she was keeping could be told without it revealing anything Ben didn't already know.

 

She reached behind her and pulled out the crystal. “My lightsaber broke during our last fight.”

 

Realization passed over Bens face, then irritation. “You've been reading my journal again haven't you? You're trying to imbue the crystal with the force.”

 

“I don't have much of a choice. It's not like I know where to find them, I have to make due with what I have.”

 

Ren moved closer to examine the crystal. “You need a new one, this crystal has been damaged past repair. Even if you pull off my technique, which you won't, the crystal will be flawed. Weak.”

 

She gave a frustrated sigh, clenching the crystal in her fist. “Well, I don't have a choice, do I?”

 

Ben looked at her for a long time, dark stare piercing into her in a way that she used to find uncomfortable and threatening but now found kind of amusing. It seems to be the look he adopted when he was trying to figure her out.

 

“Do you want my help,” he asked.

 

“You? Help me? Is this some plan to get at our new base?”

 

Ben shook his head. “You're without a weapon.”

 

“I still have my staff,” she argued. “And I can fire a blaster as well as anyone.”

 

“Those weapons are weak, beneath you.” He growled, seemingly angered by the idea of her using substandard weaponry. “You were meant for great things Rey. You were meant to be my -,” he stopped himself. “Blaster fire can be easily stopped or deflected and your staff wouldn't stand up to my lightsaber. You won't stand a chance when we meet again in combat.”

 

Rey swallowed, troubled by the truth of Bens words. She knew he was right, had realized weeks ago she was in a vulnerable position without her lightsaber. There was a reason she had been trying so hard to make herself a new one. “So help me then. I've been reading and researching for weeks and your journal was the best lead I had.”

 

“Meet with me.”

 

That prompted a raised eyebrow. “Have you lost your mind,” she asked seriously.

 

“The planet where the crystals are mined is controlled by the First Order. I know what the defences are like in that area and you won't be getting in without help.”

 

“You have,” Rey said in amazement, “you've seriously lost your mind. Is this because of before? I show up in your bed and you want us to meet all of a sudden?”

 

Bens face darkened in anger. “I'm trying to help you.”

 

“Well I don't need your help.”

 

“Yes you do,” he shouted, temper finally bubbling over.

 

“I don't,” she shouted back. “I've gone this long without your help.”

 

“And look what its gotten you,” he spat out. “A decimated Rebellion, a dead Master, a broken lightsaber and me, your enemy, more powerful than ever.” He should stop talking now, Reys face was beginning to turn blotchy and red and he wasn’t sure if he was making her angry or sad. He just couldn’t stop. She needed his help. He wanted to help her. “How long before your Rebellion is crushed beneath the First Order? How long until your luck runs out, Rey?”

 

“So what,” she shot back. “Maybe it’s all true but why does that mean I should meet with you? You’ve done everything to me short of actually kill me. Am I supposed to believe a few meetings and suddenly you’re my ally?”

 

“I am your ally, if you want me to be.”

 

“And what about my friends, the people I have to protect? Should I just run off and join you and leave them all to die,” she asked, voice getting louder.

 

“Yes,” he yelled, startling her. “Didn’t I say it before? Let the past die. They are _nothing_ to us.”

 

She looked at him with such disgust in her eyes he felt physically struck by it. “Maybe to you. Not to me. I can never be what you want me to be, Ben. I care about these people. People _you_ used to care about. Not all of us are willing to betray the ones we love for a taste of power.”

 

“This isn’t about power,” he said softly. Her disgust had deflated him. He just felt tired. “It’s about us.”

 

Her words were harsh and cold, “You turned your back on any us when you turned your back on the Light. I’m done trying to save you and I’m done listening to you. You chose your path, you chose death and destruction and hatred. Just leave me alone. I’ll find my own way forward, without you.”

 

*

 

When he returned to his rooms Kylo Ren didn't lash out in anger, he just sat down and put his face in his hands, trying to control his ragged breathing.

 

He felt exhausted.

 

How did it go so wrong so fast? He was only trying to help, against his better judgement, against every bit of common sense telling him he shouldn’t. He thought his offer would be met with suspicion, of course it would, but to hear those words, to see the disappointment in her face.

 

He knew he wasn’t a kind person. He was temperamental and cruel but Rey had seemed to continuously, some might say foolishly, believe the best of him - that he could be saved, that he could come back to the Light. When all other had given up on him she had believed.

 

It shook him to his core to realize how much her belief in his goodness mattered to him - mattered enough to kill his Master, to offer her the galaxy - and how much it hurt to have that belief taken away.

 

Even if her belief in him was foolish. Was it? He didn’t even know anymore.

 

Since he had killed Snoke his feelings were in turmoil, he hardly knew himself anymore. He knew he belonged to the dark, it was who he was. He was powerful in the dark, in control, and he had no desire to leave it...but it calmed his soul to have Reys light shining on him.

 

Even when he hated her, even when they fought, even when he wanted nothing more than to shoot her out of the sky. He knew his feelings towards her were conflicted and frightening and not normal but they were so strong.

 

He didn’t know why her words affected him. She had said much worse, called him a monster even.

 

So why did the finality of her words strike at him so?

 

He knew why. He wanted her by his side, he wanted to rule the galaxy with her and be always together. Was that love? Maybe it was a close as he was capable of. He wanted her as a companion, as the same wild spirited desert rat she was but not as his enemy, as his ally. No, ally was too weak a word, he wanted her as the other half of himself.

 

The light to his dark. The missing piece of his soul made flesh and blood.

 

She thought this was about power. He wasn’t after anything so petty. He had felt empty his whole life and Rey being near him, briefly touching her mind with the force and meeting with her time and again after had only cemented to him that she was the answer.

 

This wasn’t about light and dark, the First Order and the Rebellion.

 

This was about how the force cried out to him every waking moment to fill up that emptiness inside him.

 

To become whole.

 

Complete.

 

Balanced.

 

He breathed deep, closed his eyes, felt the thrum of power around him and tried, for the first time in years, meditating on the living force.

 

The force had the answers. It had guided Rey to him, guided him to her. It still connected them even now.

 

He opened his mind to the will of the force, humbling himself before this power and begged for guidance.

 

*

 

This was the moment Master Yoda had told him to wait for.

 

Reys conflicted feeling shouted at him through the force. It was nothing compared to Ben. If Rey was shouting, Ben was screaming.

 

Luke watched and contemplated. He wished they could see what he did, they would have no questions if they could see how the force worked through them. How it danced through the rhythms of light and dark, death and birth, love and hate and how the two of them served as its will made flesh.

 

The light could not exist without the dark and the dark could only be realized when there was light.

 

He saw it all so clearly.

 

He saw and he was a part of.

 

Ben called for help.

 

Luke was there to answer.

 

*

 

Finn dashed to the hangar, trying to spot the figure he knew would be elbows keep in machine guts and covered in grime.

 

There she was, just as expected, head popping out of a hole in the Millennium Falcon.

 

“Rey,” he called, unable to contain his excitement as he dashed up to meet her.

 

Rey looked up, waved at him, a bright smile lighting her face. Finn climbed up the ladder to the Falcon and crashed down next to her, shouting, “We found them.”

 

“What,” she shouted back excitedly. “What is it?”

 

He straightened up, paused for dramatic effect, raised his hands for emphasis. “Kyber crystals,” he announced.

 

“You found them,” Rey shrieked.

 

“We found them,” Finn shouted back.

 

The two shouted, bouncing in happiness and hugging each other, Rey half inside the Millenium Falcon, Finn bent halfway over to hug her.

 

Everyone in the hangar was used to the pair of them, thick as thieves and always loudly exclaiming at each other as if neither had ever heard of the words ‘inside voice’.

 

“Finn, that’s amazing. How did you-”

 

“It was an encrypted message. We thought it was going to be shipments of fuel but it turned out to be a shipment of crystals, the First Order has been using them to power their weapons for years but it flew under the radar until now. We did it Rey.”

 

Rey was flushed with excitement, pulling herself out of the Falcon. “Where are they?”

 

“The Unknown Regions, a planet called Ilum. And, even more good news, the airspace isn’t heavily guarded. We could sneak a small ship down to the surface, get you those crystals and be out in no time. The First Order won’t even know we were there.”

 

Rey frowned, common sense outweighting her excitement. “This seems too easy.”

 

Finns expression turned serious, the smile falling from his face. “The intel seems good but we’ll double and triple check. We won’t let him get you this time, Rey.”

 

She nodded.

 

“You ok, Rey?”

 

For a moment Rey was tempted to say no. No she wasn’t ok. To tell him she had spent the last few weeks with Kylo Ren in her head, in her rooms. How she wasn’t sure of herself and her feelings anymore.

 

She wanted to but she couldn’t and so she painted in a bright smile and said, “Of course. Come on, lets get me all cleaned up then we can starting planning.”

 

Finn grinned back but she could tell he knew something was off.

 

*

 

It was too easy, she could feel it. None of the others seemed to share her suspicions, but they hadn’t just had an argument with the Supreme Leader of the First Order about these crystals.

 

The fact that the two of them could argue about it, then she hadn’t seen him in three days and now, like magic, the location of the crystals just falls into her lap.

 

She wasn’t naive enough to believe in luck.

 

Somehow this was Bens doing.

 

And he had trapped her just as effectively as if he had put cuffs on her.

 

The intel was good. Really good, in fact. Beyond suspicion. Heavily encrypted, sent on secure channels that the Rebellion had only just managed to get a hold of the access codes to and, best of all, relatively unimportant. This wasn’t fuel or weapons or battle plans. From the outside there was absolutely no reason to suspect this was a trap because it was nothing more than routine supply run and one that was, by all accounts, off the record.

 

The Rebellion had no reason to believe this information was anything more than a stroke of dumb luck.

 

Oh she could raise concerns and suspicions but people would want to know why.

 

If she told them they might be suspicious of her. She doubted it. More likely they would use her to get to Ben and she couldn’t. This secret between them, regardless of her feelings towards the man, must be kept. It was a deep compulsion within her. She didn't know if it was the will of the force or he own foolish need to not betray Ben in this way.  Betraying their connection was a line neither of them had yet crossed. Even Ben, faced with his Masters wrath had chosen the connection over him.

 

She didn't know why but it was worth her life to keep it secret.

 

So she sat there, making plans to fall right into a First Order trap.

 

When she went to bed that night all the details had been worked out and everyone was confident this was a minimal risk mission. Well out of range of any major First Order outposts, one mining facility on the planet that she would be far away from, minimally guarded. As easy a mission as anyone could ask for.

 

She didn’t get any sleep that night.

 

*

 

Ilum was a beautiful frozen world.

 

Rey, looked out the window of the Falcon and was in awe of it. She had seen desert and forest and salt lands and even the snow on Starkiller Base but nothing like this. The ground glittered like what she imagined a precious gem might look like, catching the light of the pale winter sun and twinkling merrily. Ice rose in towers, jagged and deadly looking. Ice glittered in the air, the cold so complete that even the air couldn’t escape its bite.

 

There was no doubt Ben was on this planet. His Tie Silencer was a black blemish on the white landscape. He didn't know how he knew where she would be but they always seemed to find each other. The will of the Force was strong.

 

Rather than try to avoid it Rey landed within a short distance of it, setting the Falcon in a empty space in the middle of some impressive ice pillars.

 

When she stepped outside she assumed she was prepared for the worst. She wasn't prepared for the cold. Nothing in her life could have prepared her for the biting icy chill that stabbed at her skin with each gust of wind.

 

Rey ran back inside the Falcon and grabbed several more layers until she looked more like a walking pile of clothes than a human.

 

It barely helped.

 

She didn’t know air could be painful or that the little hairs in your nose could freeze.

 

This whole planet was a trap. The beauty lured you in so the cold could kill you.

 

She let out a frustrated cry and ran in place, rubbing her hands together to desperately get some warmth back in them. All thought of the crystals and Ben were out of mind. Convenient then that that’s when he would show up, walking from behind an ice pillar, looking like death himself come to take her soul.

 

He looked different from the last time she had seen him. Not in any fundamental way but his posture seemed relaxed and the tightness around his eyes and mouth had all but disappeared.

 

Rey, stood there shivering, waiting for him.

 

He stopped in front of her and casually draped a heavy black cloak over her shoulders. The gesture was so strange she could only stare at the cloak, holding the scratchy black fabric close to her while Ben clasped it at her neck. The gesture was strangely intimate and she held herself stiff while his hands were near her throat.

 

“I knew a desert rat wouldn’t think to dress for the cold,” he said to her unspoken question.

 

“I did,” she retorted, pointing at her many layers.

 

Ben eyed them with barely disguised disgust. “You would get frostbite in an hour with those on.” Then, to her amazement, he lowered a pack he had been carrying to the ground and pulled out boots, gloves and a hat. “Put them on.”

 

She wasn’t about to say no to being warm and quickly put the items on. They clearly belonged to Ben as the boots were nearly falling off her and her hands could barely fill out the gloves but at least now she didn’t feel like the cold was sticking pins and needles into her skin.

 

“I knew it was a trap,” she said, almost conversationally. Ben gave her silence in reply. Rey wasn’t satisfied with that. “So what now. You cuff me and take me back to your ship? This is getting pretty old.”

 

“You’ll be leaving the way you came. I’m only here guide you.” He shoved a pack at her. “Take this, we’re going to be here for a while.”

 

He turned and began walking, shouldering his own pack on his shoulder.

 

She could have ran, could have clubbed him over the head or done anything but she followed him. Maybe he would let her leave, maybe not. Regardless, she was here and needed kyber crystals and if Ben was willing to lead her she may as well take advantage. And she didn't doubt that however this turned out she would remain relatively unharmed. It was the only reason she came in the first place.

 

Ben was an ill tempered man-child but he was fond of her. Ironically she might be safer by his side than anywhere else in the galaxy.

 

Not a comforting thought.

 

It was awkward walking in the thick snow with boots that kept wanting to fall off and she was soon winded. Ben was keeping a slow pace so she could keep up and they plodded through the snow together.

 

She walked in his footprints. That was kind of funny, hopping from print to print and she made a bit of a game of it. Snow was fun when it wasn't trying to kill you.

 

Ben led her through a field of ice pillars that melded together to form fantastic structures of archways and walls. It was like walking through a dream, the beauty of this place astonished her. Like all the green of Takodana and the waters of Ahch-To, Ilum offered sights she had never seen before, a new world full of things she had only ever seen in holovids and things she couldn’t even begun to have imagined.

 

She slowed her pace and turned around to see it all. Her reflection caught in the ice and made a distorted image of herself, her head was long and her body short in the ice. She grinned at this new version of herself.

 

“Rey,” Ben barked.

 

She jumped at his voice calling her name and hurried to catch up to him.

 

He waited for her to catch up then continued walking.

 

The silence was so dull. Ben was normally so talkative, not that that was necessarily a good thing but he was strangely subdued today. Maybe that should worry her, especially after their last fight, but it didn’t.

 

Nothing about Ben ever stuck for long. They could literally be trying to kill each other and be back on speaking terms a week later.

 

She knew she shouldn’t be this comfortable with this man, a murderer. Someone who killed his own father, who had tried to kill her, who headed the most tyrannical force in the galaxy.

 

It was madness.

 

And yet he was the key to everything. To balance with the force and an end to this war.

 

They had taken fundamentally different paths and she had all but given up on him but she couldn’t quite. Not yet.

 

She could sense the good in him, could sense the conflict and their connection. It repelled her as much as it drew her in. The both of them orbiting around each other like planets around a black hole, getting sucked into each others madness.

 

Ben was so close to the Light though, even if in her anger she had said otherwise, if only she could convince him to turn.

 

But she knew from experience that you couldn’t convince Ben Solo of anything. If you wanted him to go left he would double down and go a hard right out of pure stubbornness. What do you do with a man who was seemingly held together with spite and anger, who could take no half measures in anything?

 

She knew the answer. You didn’t do anything.

 

Trying to force him down what she considered the correct path was just history repeating itself. Ben didn’t want to be guided or manipulated, he wanted to be free to choose his own path. It was everyone trying to decide his fate for him that turned him into this twisted version of himself and she could see now that he was free of Snoke and Luke and his family legacy his eyes looked a bit less haunted. He looked less unstable.

 

Maybe Ben Solo didn’t need her guidance any more than she needed his.

 

It was that realization that set her mind at ease.

 

She didn’t have to try and save him. She was no saviour. Only Ben could save himself.

 

Could the answer be so simple. To just do nothing? Was that even an option?

 

With that thought in mind she grew bold enough to ask him something that had been on her mind for a while.

 

“What does the dark side feel like?”

 

Ben stumbled, glancing back at her in surprise. “Why do you want to know?”

 

“I’ve felt it before but I turned away from it. Why do you stay?” His eyes narrowed, suspicious of her intentions and Rey knew her instincts were right. He thought she was trying to turn him and was getting ready to defend himself. “I’m not trying to argue. I just want to know. I’ve been told one side of the story. I've been told we’re trying to achieve balance, right? How can there be balance when I only know one side of the story.”

 

Bens face was all astonishment and for a moment he stopped walking, just looking down at her as though he didn’t even recognize her. “You’re serious.”

 

She nodded.

 

“Oh.” He gestured for her to followed him as he contemplated his answer. “The dark side is like...fire, maybe? If I were to describe the light it might be like a calm stream, something you wade into slowly and let pass through you and around you. It’s cold. The dark side is like throwing yourself into a fire, it burns you from the inside out and can easily overwhelm the untrained and undisciplined. That’s why the Jedi feared it. The light offers no risks but the dark can consume the foolish and the weak but the strength you can attain is unmatched.” His excitement was obvious, his love of the dark side.

 

It was strange to hear. The dark side had always been talked about as an evil. Even if she knew better it was hard to break that assumption.

 

It was clear Ben saw something more in the dark side than she did.

 

“I only felt cold when I went to the dark,” she admitted.

 

“Yeah, I’m not great at metaphors,” he said wryly. “The dark isn’t literally fire, you know, it’s just untamed energy.”

 

He held out his hand to an ice pillar and clenched his fist. The ice pillar shattered with an controlled, internal implosion but held its shape, millions of ice shards held in perfect alignment.

 

It was a remarkable control of power and Rey, feeling like Ben was showing her up, raised her own hand, closing her eyes and feeling with the force. She didn’t have the controlled, practiced talet that Ben had, the years of training and mastery but what she lacked in training she made up for in instinct. Allowing the force to guide her actions and work through her she felt in between the cracks of Bens power, all the empty spaces and filled them with her own.

 

“What are you doing,” Ben asked, voice tights with concentration, holding the form of the pillar even as Reys own power shook his control.

 

Eyes still closed she shook her head. “I don’t know. I just feel it.”

 

The power flowed out, reached a peak and right at the moment where it might have becoming too much Rey closed her fist tight and contained their two wills as one.

 

The pillar trembled and shook and seemed to explode outwards with a force of ice and wind. Ben, having sensed the coming explosion, threw an arm over her, covering her with his cloak and turning his back to the explosion of ice and snow to shield her.

 

Rey gasped as her body was covered and unconsciously grabbed the arm embracing her.

 

When the last of the ice fell to the ground they stayed as they were, crouched and pressed tight together. She looked up. He looked down. Both their faces burned red and they jumped apart as quickly as they had come together, putting some distance between each other.

 

“What the hell was that,” Ben shouted. “What did you do?”

 

“I don’t know,” Rey said, dusting ice off herself. “I was just trying something.”

 

“Well next time-,” he paused mid-sentence.

 

Rey looked at him curiously, his expression was dumbfounded and she turned to see what he was looking at, then her mouth fell open.

 

The pillar was whole again as if Ben had never destroyed it in the first place. No, not whole, better than whole. The pillars around it were jagged and filled with bubbles and impurities and all manner of flaws. Their pillar was perfect. Clear as glass and smooth, not a single flaw to it, rising above the others in a massive arc that caught the light and refracting it in such a way that it seemed to be filled with a rainbow colours. Rey had never seen anything like it.

 

Ben seemed even more awestruck than she was, walking up to the pillar and running a hand over the smooth surface.

 

“It’s like my vision.” He turned to her and for the first time she could remember he looked happy, eyes bright with excitement. “Rey, the force led me here, to you. I had a vision of this moment. I don’t know what it means but I know now that I was wrong to try and turn you to my side. When we touched before I saw a vision of you by my side.”

 

“And I saw you turning.”

 

“To the light,” he asked. For once no hostility coloured his voice.

 

She thought about her vision, about what she had seen and she wasn’t sure. “I don’t know. What else is there but light?”

 

“Balance,” he practically shouted. “The Jedi, the Sith, they had it wrong. You must know it too. There isn’t the dark and the light, not as people think of them, there’s only the force.”

 

She knew the truth of his words and replied, “I saw it. On Ahch-To, I saw the balance in the force. I saw everything.” She hesitated to bring up Luke in case she ruined this moment but she felt she had to. “Luke said the Jedi were vain. That it was time for the Jedi and their religion to end.”

 

She could tell she had surprised Ben. “Luke said that?”

 

“I think he knew the old way was wrong. I think he saw that there would only be the two of us, that we could, I don’t know, start something new.” They were silent for a time. It was too much all at once, too much to let go off, to many paths forward. “Where do we go from here?”

 

“Hmm, oh, there’s a cave about a twenty minute walk from here, it’s where the crystals are.”

 

She laughed weakly despite herself. “No, I meant the two of us. The First Order, the Rebellion, all of it. You know this will keep happening. Us meeting and fighting and feeling this pull but this is bigger than us, there’s a world at war out there.”

 

He grinned sheepishly and said, “Oh, that.”

 

The smile changed his face, making him look boyish and charming. Rey looked away, burying her face in her layers of clothes so Ben couldn’t see her reddening cheeks. She hadn’t forgotten the way he had protected her from the ice or the way he had looked at her when she was in his bed. She couldn’t ignore that he wanted her and that she might, in some insane way, want him too. For most of her life she hadn’t had much contact with human men until Finn had burst into her life and taken her off on an adventure. She hadn’t had much time to think about men or romance or anything more when Kylo Ren, Ben, had shown up and gotten in her head.

 

From the first day she met him he had been overwhelming her and confusing her and she didn’t know what to feel. She had gone from a life where romance and sex was something that only happened to other people, a thing that was so far out of reach as to be little more than a fairytale to her, to suddenly being bound to a man who was aggressive and forceful and wanted her.

 

She had run from it. Mostly because Kylo Ren was a jackass and she wanted no part of that but also because men were so far out of her range of experience that he felt almost alien to her.

 

She didn’t know how to handle these feelings or what to do with them.

 

A hand was placed gently on her shoulder. She looked up at Ben who just said, “We don’t have to do this right now.”

 

Then he hiked up his pack and started walking.

 

Rey followed him in grateful silence.

 

She needed some time to think.

  


*

 

“Just pick one,” Ben grouched at her. “We’ve been here all day.”

 

Rey lay on her belly, carefully examining a crystal growth while Ben leaned against a stalagmite and glared at her.

 

“Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for this moment. I’m not about to rush it.” She lightly dinged a crystal, listening to the clear sound it produced. No, not that one. “Did you rush yours?”

 

“I didn’t choose mine. The crystal in my sword was from a training saber, it cracked when I left the Jedi Temple.” Rey looked over at him. Ben held out his saber and ignited it, the red blade crackled and danced with unstable energy. Rey couldn't help but draw away from it, too many memories. “I made the blade strong but the crystal is flawed. It’s why my lightsaber looks the way it does, the energy is unable.”

 

“So why not replace it? You have a whole cave to choose from.”

 

He depowered the lightsaber and put it away. “Sentimentality.”

 

Rey knew what he meant in that one word. The crystal was him, cracked when he turned on Luke, strong but unstable, flawed. “I get the feeling you were the type of boy who sat alone writing sad poetry about how no one understands you.”

 

The look he gave her was pure poison. “You read my journal so I guess you’d know. Find any poetry?”

 

“Tons,” she lied, going back to her search. After a few more minutes of searching she flicked a crystal and it sang to her. Rey plucked the crystal from the ground and held it above her head, waving it at Ben. “Found it.”

 

He came over to examine the crystal. “It doesn’t look any different from the others.”

 

“It’s not. I just liked the way this one sounded.” She grinned cheekily at him.

 

“I hate you,” was Bens response. He turned and stomped out of the cave, Rey followed him, laughing to herself.

 

When they got outside the wind was picking up and the sky had darkened. Rey knew they wouldn’t be able to get back to their ships before full night set. She really had been unprepared for this trip, she hadn’t brought any sleeping gear with her, none that could stand up to the cold. She had assumed she would be sleeping in the ship and that the crystals would be on the surface of the planet.

 

It seemed like Ben had thought of everything, throwing a portable shelter on the ground that expanded into a tent-like structure that was clearly meant for two.

 

“I’m not get in there with you,” she told him.

 

“Then say out here and freeze. Or go back into the cave and try to make yourself comfortable on a bed of crystals,” Ben said without even bothering to look at her.

 

He disappeared inside the tent and Rey stared at the black fabric until the gust of wind made her mind up for her. She rushed in after Ben.

 

The inside of the tent was at least somewhat spacious so she didn’t have to brush knees with him. A small lamp was set up on the ground, bathing the tent in a dim orange light that made her feel relaxed and drowsy after so much snow and cold. Ben was busy setting up a portable heater and what looked like some sort of rations. Rey wasn’t looking forward to dinner, she had had enough of rations to last her a lifetime. Hopefully First Order rations tasted better than the ones on Jakku.

 

She put her pack on the ground and opened it up to find bed rolls. Rey made a point of rolling the two of them out on opposite sides of the tent and then moved to help Ben who waved her away, not wanting her help.

 

So she sat back with her arms around her legs and watched him work, a figure cloaked in black, lit with a warm light. Soon enough the tent began to warm and Ben presented her with a bowl of warm stew that looked worlds better than the stale portions on Jakku, this looked like real food and smelled delicious. She dug in immediately, making an appreciative sound when she realized it tasted as good as it looked. She wasted no time in finishing her bowl then holding it out for a second helping.

 

Ben sat there with his spoon halfway to his mouth, staring at her in a sort of horrified fascination.

 

“Well,” she prompted, waving the bowl at him.

 

He took it and refilled it, handing the bowl to Rey, cringing as he watched her eat.

 

“Can’t you close your mouth at least?”

 

“Why,” she asked around a mouth full of food.

 

“Nevermind. I just - you lived in Jakku as a scavenger,” he said thoughtfully. “I never thought about it but it must have been a hard life. There isn’t much to eat in the desert.”

 

Rey finished off the bowl and stared at the remains of one of the best meals she had eaten. “I would scavenge materials from old ships and trade them for portions.”

 

“Portions?”

 

“I think they were old military rations. Bread and nutri-bars mostly. Unkar Plutt called them portions because he was cheap so he would never give you a full ration, just quarters or halves.” She lit up. “You know BB-8 was worth sixty portions, I almost couldn’t believe it.”

 

Ben stirred his stew, staring at it with a furrowed brow. “You didn’t trade him in, the BB Unit. Even though those rations could have fed you for weeks.”

 

“I had to,” she argued.

 

“No.” Ben looked at her sharply. “You didn’t. Most in your position wouldn’t have.”

 

“I don’t know what you’re trying to say. Should I have sold BB-8? I could never do that.”

 

“I know you couldn’t. You’re a good person, Rey. Better than most. I just want you to know, you don’t ever have to go hungry or worry about anything. Even if we leave this planet as enemies, even if you never want to see me again, I’ll always be there for you.”

 

Reys throat tightened up and she could only nod her head, staring at her empty bowl. She felt full and warm for the first time in as long as she could remember. Even with the resistance food was tightly rationed, she didn’t complain, she was used to it, but something about being here with Ben and knowing she could just eat as much as she wanted. Her eyes stung and there were arms around her all of a sudden.

 

She buried her face in the rough fabric of his cloak and let him hold her.

 

When she pulled back he was staring at her with so much affection she threw all caution to the wind and leaned up, pressing their lips together. When she pulled back Bens eyes were wide, almost afraid.

 

She hesitantly asked, “Have you ever-?”

 

“No, have you.”

 

“Never.”

 

At least in this they were on equal footing.

 

Rey knew this was insane. She could only imagine the look of horror on her friends faces if they could see her thoughts but she wanted this. She had wanted this for ages.

 

Ben leaned it slowly as if waiting for her to protest. Rey lunged forward enthusiastically and pulled him to her and Ben, not to be outdone, flipped her onto her back and kissed her until she was flushed all over and panting.

 

His hand lowered until it was squeezing her breast and Rey was aware there were too many layers between them. She leaned up and shrugged off her cloak.

 

“Are you sure,” he panted urgently. “Tell me you’re sure.”

 

“I’m sure.” She wasn't sure it was the right thing to do but right or wrong she knew that their paths were always leading them to this point.

 

Ben twisted both his hands at the top of her shirt and, just as Rey was going to ask his what he was doing, he yanked the fabric apart with his bare hands. Rey gasped in surprise as he chest was exposed. Ben paused, looking as though he couldn’t quite believe what he was done and was considering being embarrassed about it but the sight of her bared chest was enough to put all hesitation out of his mind. He kissed her again.

 

Rey couldn’t split fabric under her own strength but with what little concentration she could muster she used the force, yanking Ben off her, holding him in place and tearing his shirt off his body with a wicked grin.

 

She may have been inexperienced but she wasn’t about to play blushing virgin and let Ben do all the work.

 

She felt the force weaken around her and she was slammed to the ground, air being forced out of her lungs with the impact. Before she could even think Bens hands were on her pants and she eagerly lifted her hips for him

 

“Get your pants off too,” she demanded.

 

Ben gave her a toothy smile and obliged.

 

Her eyes widened when he was bare before her. She had almost forgotten how big he was, solid and toned from a life spent weilding a sword. His body wasn’t the only big thing about him but before Rey could even get a decent look he was on top of her, grinding between her legs and she cried out as he pressed against her, bursts of pleasure flowing through her.

 

They rubbed against each other for while and it was thrilling to feeling his hardening cock against her sensitive skin. To change the angle and have a bolt of pleasure as her reward.

 

She was becoming wet with it, not just the pleasure but the feeling of Bens body against hers.

 

Then a finger was pressing between her legs and Rey eagerly opened to it, gasing a little as it entered her. It was a tight fit and kind of uncomfortable but there was no pain. It didn’t take long before he was able to slide the whole way in and crooked his finger in just such a way that she let out startled sound that quickly became a moan.

 

He worked the spot over and over until she was quivering.

 

She was nearly mindless with pleasure and it look her a moment to realize he had pulled is finger out and there were hands pulling her legs apart. Then he was in her. Rey cried out, nails digging into his arms.

 

“Are you ok,” he panted. Not going any further.

 

“Don’t stop. Don’t you dare stop,” she moaned, head thrown back and eyes clenching shut as he began to slide deeper.

 

It was the sweetest torture as he slid in inch by inch, the feeling of being so full. It felt right. As though she had been waiting for this moment forever. Her insides were liquid fire and when he began to move she screamed, arching up off the bedroll, legs tightening around his back.

 

Ben set a furious pace, rocking her back and forth. It should have been painful but she was so slick, so open, there was only pleasure with each stab of him inside of her hitting that spot that sent pure electricity through her core.

 

Rey desperately reached for something to hold on to, needing an anchor in all of this. His shoulder his arm, anything.

 

With a growl that barely sounded human Ben took her wrists and slammed them to the ground and squeezed them tight as he snapped his hips forward. That was the moment. That rough, possessive gesture, the brute strength of it was too much. Her hips lifted, tightened around him and she screamed, over and over as Ben hardened inside her, cock filling out even more than she had thought possible. She was shaking uncontrollably as the orgasm rocked her, the intensity of it taking away all rational thought. Bens thrusts took on a previously unknown urgency as he slammed savagely into her. The grip on her wrists tightened and she let out a cry as Ben roared above her, his cock hitting that sweet spot and hurtling her off the edge again.

 

She lay there, gasping in sobbing breaths as Ben shook with the aftershocks of his release.

 

Ben lay his head on her chest, panting wildly.

 

Rey could only lay there grinning like an idiot and twitching around Bens still hard cock.

 

“That was fantastic,” she gasped breathlessly. “Why don’t people do this all the time.”

 

Ben gave an incoherent groan and pulled out of her flopping to the floor. The rush of fluids was immediate and Rey grimaced at the sensation of Bens seed running down her leg. She was about to get up to find a cloth when Ben wrapped an arm around her and pulled her to his chest.

 

Maybe finding a cloth wasn’t so important. She wrapped her arms around Bens big frame and snuggled closer, enjoying the novel feeling of another human body next to her own.

 

Within minutes Ben was snoring. Rey couldn’t help but look at his sleeping face. All his harsh lines were relaxed and he looked peaceful, almost innocent. She knew he was anything but, the man _had_ ripped her favorite clothes after all and she wasn’t going to forget that in a hurry.

 

Still, maybe there was a chance for them. She hoped so. For his sake even more than her own.

 

But that was a thought that could wait until the morning. She closed her eyes and drifted off.

 

*

 

Ben woke suddenly, brain going from asleep to awake within the span of a second as the events of last night rode a wave of embarrassment and glee to the forefront of his mind. He wanted to simultaneously cheer and hide away in mortification of last night but Rey was still sleeping so he kept still.

 

Looking at the sleeping woman was almost surreal. This was Rey, his most hated enemy, his other half and she was sleeping in his arms, mouth open and hair a tangled mess. More importantly, this was the woman he had just had sex with. Amazing sex. Sex that made him want to die of embarrassment as he was pretty sure pinning a girl down and being so rough their first time was breaking some etiquette rules. And the ripping of the clothes, just remembering was enough to make his face heat up.

 

With a groan he buried his face against Reys neck. It had seemed like a good idea at the time and Rey had reciprocate in kind but he couldn’t help imagining Leias disapproving frown or Hans many many lectures about the right way to treat a lady.

 

“Your hairs in my mouth,” Rey mumbled.

 

Ben lifted his head and looked down at Rey as she sleepily smacked her lips and rubbed her eyes.

 

“About last night,” he began hesitantly.

 

“If you apologize I _will_ hit you,” Rey warned.

 

His first reaction was, oddly, indignation that she had realized he was going for an apology and the urge to deny it. Instead he asked, “How do you know I was going to apologize?”

 

She paused, thought about it and her eyes widened. “I can just...feel it. I can feel you.”

 

He realized with a start that he could feel her too, like a buzzing in the back of his mind that if he concentrated became distinct and clear. Not thoughts exactly but as though her feelings and emotions were just there, implanted in his head as though they had been there all along. It should have been terrifying, having his mind not being his own anymore, to be one of two instead of just him, Kylo Ren...Ben. It didn’t, though, it felt like the most natural thing in the world.

 

“You asked before, where do we go from here,” he said softly. “I think we’re there.”

 

Rey sat up, bare and unashamed. He admired her confidence in herself. She closed her eyes and he could feel her reaching out with the force. She was a natural, the way she extended herself and let the force in without a fight. It had taken him years to learn to accept the will of the force instead of fighting to exert control over it, he still wasn’t quite there yet.

 

She reached into him and he could feel his own power through her, feel the chaos and frenetic energy at the same time as her own power came through to him. To his surprise the force didn’t feel calm and tame when flowing through her, as he had expected, but had its own roiling waves of power. Like fire and water, both powerful in their own way but fundamentally different.

 

It felt like balance.

 

“Well damn,” she said, getting up to put some clothes on.

 

Ben stared at her as she dressed back up her torn clothes, putting his wool cloak on and leaving the tent.

 

She didn’t go far, he could feel her just outside. Putting his own clothes on he went out into the cold.

 

Rey was sitting near the tent, legs drawn up and staring into the distance with no expression on her face at all. Ben sat down next to her.

 

“I’m not going to be walking straight for a week,” she said by way of greeting.

 

“Oh,” he should have felt ashamed, and part of him did, but mostly he felt smug. Rey shot him a dirty look, obviously catching the impression of his thoughts regarding his size - that, naturally, a man of his girth would be too much for any woman. “Sorry.”

 

She reached out and lightly punched in in the arm. “I told you not to apologize. Even if your mind is a surprisingly filthy place.”

 

Oh, she had no idea.

 

“I have some idea. Please stop projecting so loudly,” she protested.

 

He grinned and she grinned back and they just sat in the snow grinning like idiots at each other.

 

Eventually the mirth wore off and Reys face went serious. “There’s no going back from this, is there?”

 

“Would you want to?” He already knew the answer.

 

“No. It’s just a lot all at once. You’re still my enemy, we’re still on different sides of this war. This thing between us doesn’t change that.”

 

“I believe in the First Order. I know you don’t see things the way I do but we’ve brought law and peace to so many parts of the galaxy. While the Republic was bogged down in bureaucracy and corruption we got results. The Republic was weak and doomed to fail from the start, my mother is a fool to try and revive that way of rule.”

 

“Is a military dictatorship really any better,” Rey asked. He didn’t feel any judgement from her although he knew she disagreed with him.

 

Her lack of judgement opened him up. Had she vilified him, told him he was wrong, he would have closed up out of habit. Without the need to fight for his beliefs he could voice his opinions freely. “No, I don’t think it is but it’s the closest we’ve come to achieving true order in the galaxy.”

 

“Maybe both ways are flawed. I don’t know. I never had anything to do with politics before leaving Jakku, all I know is that whoever ruled, the Republic or the First Order, it didn’t matter to people like me. A slave is a slave, it doesn’t matter who’s in charge.”

 

Ben had a hard time comprehending what he was feeling from Rey. He couldn’t begin to imagine how her life had been. For all of his struggles he had lived a charmed life, he knew that now. He was the son of heroes, his bloodline alone meant that he had never wanted for anything.

 

Even on rejecting his past he had traded one lifestyle of luxury for another. Any scarcity was of his own choosing, never imposed by circumstance.

 

Reys life was the opposite.

 

It always came back to balance in the end. She was his opposite and could offer him the perspectives he lacked.

 

“Maybe we need to let it all die.”

 

“Kill the past,” Rey echoed his words from long ago.

 

“No” he said, surprising himself. “Not kill. Change.” Ben got to his knees drawing up all of his courage to ask again said, “Will you join me? I’ve been wrong about a lot of things in the past. I told you you were nothing and you’re not. I asked you to rule by my side but I honestly think you’d make a terrible ruler and, if I’m being honest, I don’t think I’m very good at it either. But maybe together we can do better. We can restore the balance that was lost and change things for everyone.” He offered his hand. “Please.”

 

Rey stared at his offered hand for long enough that Ben began to think she was going to reject him again. “That was a terrible speech,” she said eventually, taking his hand.

 

*

 

When Rey returned to the Resistance she was met with hugs and an audience all clamouring to see her now lightsaber. Even General Organa had come to greet her and prompted her with a, “Well?”

 

Rey ignited the blade. Too everyones astonishment the blade was white, crackling with untamed energy, bathing nearby faces in a ghostly glow and startling others to step back with the intensity of it. It even garnered applause from some.

 

“How’d you get a white one,” Finn asked, admiring the blade.

 

That would have to stay a secret, at least for a while.

 

On Ilum, Ben had startled her when he cracked his blade open, something she knew he cherished. That blade was part of his identity, almost more recognizable than he was. But he told her the lightsaber belonged to a man he didn’t recognize. He wasn’t quite Ben but he wasn’t fully Kylo Ren either.

 

Rey had jokingly called him Kylo Ben, he responded by putting snow down her clothes.

 

In the end she had accepted his gift. That crystal, once a tool of the dark side, had changed when she explored it with the force. The angry red fading into a pure white like the snow around her. She was reminded of their ice pillar. Not the light or the dark but made better for having both sides of the force in it.

 

“Just lucky, I guess,” she said to Finn. “Now want to see something really cool?”

 

“Do you even need to ask?”

 

With a flourish she ignited the other side.

 

Finn whooped, “Now that’s a blade.”

 

Everyone around seemed to agree and, on request, she gave an impromptu demonstration that had the crowd oohing and ahhing.

 

Across their bond Ben rolled his eyes.

 

“ _Showoff_.”

 

‘ _Like you’re one to talk_ ,’ she sent back.

 

When the crowd finally started to disperse Rey took the chance to run up to Leia who was beginning to leave. “Can I speak with you? Not here, somewhere private.”

 

Leias eyes widened a fraction and Rey suspected she could feel something was different. “Of course, follow me.” The General led them to a small room and closed the door. “I have a feeling I already know what you’re going to say.”

 

Then, all of a sudden, Rey got the sensation that Ben was staring at his mother through Reys eyes. Leia took a step back. “Oh. Ben,” she breathed out like a sigh of relief.

 

_‘Mother.’_

 

The words echoed through them both, not physically spoken but real all the same.

 

“We need your help,” Rey said for Ben.

 

Leia looked at her with serious eyes, fathomless eyes, and Rey got the impression that they weren’t alone in the room. The faint outlines of ghostly blue shapes surrounded them, faces she recognized, more she didn’t. And there was Luke, standing next to a small weathered alien with green skin.

 

The images faded like a mirage but Leias eyes remained fixed on her.

 

“You’ve known all along haven’t you.”

 

Leia gave her a sly smile. “People forget, I’m a Skywalker too. I’m not as flashy as my brother but I can sense the force and its workings. I know my son is with you.” On the other side of their connection Ben clenched his fists. “Ben, I know you’re listening. I know you’re not ready to come back home but when you are, nothing needs to be said. I don’t expect apologies or forgiveness, I just want my son.”

 

Ben closed the connection between them.

 

“I don’t think he’s ready to face you,” Rey said after a moment. The sadness in Leias eyes stung her. She didn’t know how Ben could still be so callous to his own mother.

 

“He can't forgive me for sending him away, for not realizing Snokes influence sooner,” Leia explained, even though Rey felt she didn’t need to. “I think in some ways he hates the man he became. If you had known him as a boy-”

 

Rey didn’t have the heart to tell her she had been snooping in her sons private boyhood journals and simply said, “Snoke’s gone. Ben is finding his own way now.”

 

A twinkle came back to Leias eyes. “With you at his side?”

 

Rey blushed. “More like with him at _my_ side.”

 

Leia laughed, “I think you must be right.” She placed her hands on Reys shoulders, looking truly happy. “I'm so glad you found each other. I think you'll be good for my boy but I think he does you some good too. I think I know what you came here to ask me and my answer is yes, I'll help you two. There's been to much fighting and this is the best chance I've seen in many years for us to make a new start.”

 

Rey, on a daring impulse, leaned forward and embraced the small woman, throwing her connection with Ben wide open.

 

He came to her and found himself wrapped up in his mothers embrace through Rey.

 

 _‘You little rat,_ ’ he grumbled in her mind.

 

_‘Shut up and stop being so immature, she misses you.’_

 

Leia hugged her tighter, sensing her son and Ben allowed it, keeping the connection open and feeling his mother embrace for the first time in over a decade. Tears fell from Reys eyes but they weren't her own.

 

In that moment more than any other Rey felt as though they truly had a chance.

 

Their task was near impossible but with Ben by her side and Leia supporting them maybe, just maybe they really could succeed.

 

*

 

Luke sat down next to his nephew. Ben couldn't see him but Luke liked to check in from time to time.

 

“Mmm,” came a familiar voice from behind him. Yoda ambled up, leaning heavily on his walking stick. “Untroubled his mind is. Young Solo has found his path, has he?”

 

“After a bit of nudging in the right direction,” Luke conceded.

 

“Done your work is. Balance will be restored. Rest now, you can.”

 

Luke gave his old master a smile. “Says you. I've never seen you rest and you've been dead longer than I have.”

 

Yoda laughed. “Much guidance foolish apprentices require. The work of the master is never done.” He looked at Luke. “Become one with the force, you will.”

 

“I've been waiting most of my life and afterlife to see balance restored, I'll stick around a while longer. Knowing those two they'll be needing me again. You go on ahead of me, Master Yoda. I'll catch up in a few decades once I'm sure these two aren't going to kill each other during all these diplomatic talks.”

 

“Not skilled at diplomacy those two are,” Yoda agreed. “Leave you now, I must. Done, my work is.”

 

Luke should feel sad but he didn't. He would never again see his old master in this form but all things must change and Luke could finally accept that.

 

“Goodbye, Master Yoda.”

 

Yoda shook his head and sighed. “Foolish young Skywalker. Goodbye, this is not. Merely a parting.”

 

He bowed his head. “Then until I see you again, Master Yoda.”

 

When Luke turned back to the events unfolding before him Yoda was gone. And right when things were getting interesting. That ginger haired man, Hux, was yelling and his face was turning the most amusing shade of red.

 

Hux threw a cup at Chewie and called him a ‘foul smelling diseased beast’ while Ben and Rey gave each other a ‘here we go again’ look. When Poe Dameron stepped in to defend Chewie and caught Huxs flying fist under his chin Luke knew he had made the right choice to stay.

 

Rey and Ben jumped into the fray.

 

Those two were going to need a lot more help before this was all over.

  


Fin

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> So this was just a big long excuse for Ren\Rey tent sex that got interrupted by plot. I banged this baby out in about four days so its not my most polished work ever but, hey, tent sex amirite.


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